Friday, April 17, 2009
funeral chicago trip day 2
This morning was the funeral at Visitation Parish in Elmhurst.
Because my grandma has already been cremated, there wasn't any kind of formal procession or anything. Just all the family sat on the left side. The front row was Grandpa, Uncle John, his wife, Lizzie and Joey. The second row was my mom and dad, Joey and Matthew. The third row was Jordan, Chris, me, Erin, Lauren and Sarah. Peggy's family was behind us and the Carrs behind them. I loved feeling surrounded by people I love, it's never happened before in a church with this side of the family :)
The mass was performed by Father Purdell. What a wonderful man. He's actually retired, but when he heard Grandma died he offered to do the mass, which really touched my mom and her siblings. He gave a lovely homily about Grandma. I think it made it so much more special that he actually knew her and was good friends with her. He talked about the lunches they would make at Montini - he even told us that Grandma and Auntie Doe made hot hams for the kids! And we all said, "OOOHHH." Cause they are so yum and such a Grandma-meal.
Jordan, my sister did a reading and Matt, Uncle John's son did a reading. Kristen and Susie, my cousins, offered the gifts for the Eucharist. Uncle John did the eulogy and it was SO WELL DONE. Fantastic, he had me bawling my eyes out, they still have not recovered and are aching like heck. He based it around this quote by Albert Einstein:
"Our death is not an end if we can live on in our children and the younger generation. For they are us; our bodies are only wilted leaves on the tree of life."
He talked about Grandma's tree of life and how all of us, her children, grandchildren and great grand children are parts of that tree. He talked about her personality, her love of God and how she found so much pleasure in her grandchildren. We all laughed when he talked about how she and Auntie Doe used to do the jitterbug together (we have photographs of it!). Really, it was inspiring and he's going to email it to us so we can all have it for keeps :)
Here is a thought I keep having. Yes, they are Catholics, and my grandma was a FAITHFUL Catholic. Yes, I am a Mormon, and I am trying to be faithful. But the things the priest said are just so exactly the sorts of things someone would say at a Mormon funeral. I felt the spirit of God there, he talked about using this opportunity to reflect on our lives and to remember all the best parts of Grandma to help us serve God and the people around us better. So much of what is really important in our beliefs is the same.
We sang Hail Holy Queen and I really wanted to NOT hear Whoopi Goldberg from Sister Act in my head as we sang, but I did. At least I knew the tune :)
It was really strange to imagine her in that tiny wooden box, and sorta creepy. When the priest sprinkled the holy water on it, that was weird too, but sorta comforting, because I know she'd like it. I like knowing that her soul is NOT in that box.
All the immediate family and a few close friends drove about 15 minutes to a restaurant called Simon's. One big room was roped off for us and we all sat in our respective families for a really good brunch. I saw between Lauren and Grandpa (lucky!!) at the same big long table with Uncle John, his family and, next to Grandpa, a man that was hired by my Grandpa at Inland Steel LONG ago, who also knows my parents from there :) That's where my parents met, by the way :)
The meal was pretty stinking hilarious. I had many bouts of hysterical laughter cause my siblings rock. Lauren and I even had to have a quiet contest and let's be honest, it wasn't as funny when she and I weren't' speaking :) I got the "hobo breakfast" which is a giant skillet full of hash browns covered with cheese and eggs. YUM. Grandpa told me a story about how when he was in the army, he and a buddy hitchhiked from St. Louis to Chicago for a week of leave. When he couldn't get all the way there and was on the side of the road in the middle of the night, a nice cop let him use a bed in the jail for the night!!! Nice cop :)
After dinner we had a major photo shoot in front of the restaurant, since it was the last time we knew we'd all see each other for who knows how long. Look how fun! Too bad our background is Simon's Restaurant :)
This cousins one above is pretty fun, especially considering that 20 years or so ago, we had this:
When we got home, we had to watch some Sister Act on youtube in honor of Grandma (she loved that movie) and we found directions to the cemetery where my great grandma Prox is buried. And after driving for 25 minutes, we arrived at Mount Auburn Cemetery in Berwyn. The nice lady in the office helped me to find it and after I totally directed us the wrong way with the map, we finally found it.
The grave of my grandma's mother and father:
We also found the grave of my great-great Grandma and Grandpa (they are my mother's mother's mother's parents. They lived in Czechoslovakia until they were in their 30s and then arrived in Ellis Island in 1905 and my great-grandma was born a month later). I liked feeling like I've seen them now, in a way :)
As soon as we got back to the hotel we went out AGAIN for a celebratory Girdano's pizza dinner with my mom's family. We bought my dad a giant dinosaur balloon and tied it to his chair, that's really funny. We also sang a very rousing rendition of the birthday song, of course.
We filled the back of the place and had some delicious pizza, of course. We laughed at Lin's Wisconsin stories and had lovely chats. I love to be with these people. It was sad to say goodbye but I keep thinking to myself that I am just SO GLAD that I came. I think it meant so much to Grandpa that we were all together celebrating Grandma's life. And it meant a lot to me.
I've now taken out my contacts so my poor eyes can get a rest and I am really feeling some comfortable closure. That's such a good thing.
Because my grandma has already been cremated, there wasn't any kind of formal procession or anything. Just all the family sat on the left side. The front row was Grandpa, Uncle John, his wife, Lizzie and Joey. The second row was my mom and dad, Joey and Matthew. The third row was Jordan, Chris, me, Erin, Lauren and Sarah. Peggy's family was behind us and the Carrs behind them. I loved feeling surrounded by people I love, it's never happened before in a church with this side of the family :)The mass was performed by Father Purdell. What a wonderful man. He's actually retired, but when he heard Grandma died he offered to do the mass, which really touched my mom and her siblings. He gave a lovely homily about Grandma. I think it made it so much more special that he actually knew her and was good friends with her. He talked about the lunches they would make at Montini - he even told us that Grandma and Auntie Doe made hot hams for the kids! And we all said, "OOOHHH." Cause they are so yum and such a Grandma-meal.
Jordan, my sister did a reading and Matt, Uncle John's son did a reading. Kristen and Susie, my cousins, offered the gifts for the Eucharist. Uncle John did the eulogy and it was SO WELL DONE. Fantastic, he had me bawling my eyes out, they still have not recovered and are aching like heck. He based it around this quote by Albert Einstein:
"Our death is not an end if we can live on in our children and the younger generation. For they are us; our bodies are only wilted leaves on the tree of life."
He talked about Grandma's tree of life and how all of us, her children, grandchildren and great grand children are parts of that tree. He talked about her personality, her love of God and how she found so much pleasure in her grandchildren. We all laughed when he talked about how she and Auntie Doe used to do the jitterbug together (we have photographs of it!). Really, it was inspiring and he's going to email it to us so we can all have it for keeps :)
Here is a thought I keep having. Yes, they are Catholics, and my grandma was a FAITHFUL Catholic. Yes, I am a Mormon, and I am trying to be faithful. But the things the priest said are just so exactly the sorts of things someone would say at a Mormon funeral. I felt the spirit of God there, he talked about using this opportunity to reflect on our lives and to remember all the best parts of Grandma to help us serve God and the people around us better. So much of what is really important in our beliefs is the same.
We sang Hail Holy Queen and I really wanted to NOT hear Whoopi Goldberg from Sister Act in my head as we sang, but I did. At least I knew the tune :)
It was really strange to imagine her in that tiny wooden box, and sorta creepy. When the priest sprinkled the holy water on it, that was weird too, but sorta comforting, because I know she'd like it. I like knowing that her soul is NOT in that box.
All the immediate family and a few close friends drove about 15 minutes to a restaurant called Simon's. One big room was roped off for us and we all sat in our respective families for a really good brunch. I saw between Lauren and Grandpa (lucky!!) at the same big long table with Uncle John, his family and, next to Grandpa, a man that was hired by my Grandpa at Inland Steel LONG ago, who also knows my parents from there :) That's where my parents met, by the way :)
The meal was pretty stinking hilarious. I had many bouts of hysterical laughter cause my siblings rock. Lauren and I even had to have a quiet contest and let's be honest, it wasn't as funny when she and I weren't' speaking :) I got the "hobo breakfast" which is a giant skillet full of hash browns covered with cheese and eggs. YUM. Grandpa told me a story about how when he was in the army, he and a buddy hitchhiked from St. Louis to Chicago for a week of leave. When he couldn't get all the way there and was on the side of the road in the middle of the night, a nice cop let him use a bed in the jail for the night!!! Nice cop :)
After dinner we had a major photo shoot in front of the restaurant, since it was the last time we knew we'd all see each other for who knows how long. Look how fun! Too bad our background is Simon's Restaurant :)
This cousins one above is pretty fun, especially considering that 20 years or so ago, we had this:
When we got home, we had to watch some Sister Act on youtube in honor of Grandma (she loved that movie) and we found directions to the cemetery where my great grandma Prox is buried. And after driving for 25 minutes, we arrived at Mount Auburn Cemetery in Berwyn. The nice lady in the office helped me to find it and after I totally directed us the wrong way with the map, we finally found it.The grave of my grandma's mother and father:
We also found the grave of my great-great Grandma and Grandpa (they are my mother's mother's mother's parents. They lived in Czechoslovakia until they were in their 30s and then arrived in Ellis Island in 1905 and my great-grandma was born a month later). I liked feeling like I've seen them now, in a way :)
As soon as we got back to the hotel we went out AGAIN for a celebratory Girdano's pizza dinner with my mom's family. We bought my dad a giant dinosaur balloon and tied it to his chair, that's really funny. We also sang a very rousing rendition of the birthday song, of course.
We filled the back of the place and had some delicious pizza, of course. We laughed at Lin's Wisconsin stories and had lovely chats. I love to be with these people. It was sad to say goodbye but I keep thinking to myself that I am just SO GLAD that I came. I think it meant so much to Grandpa that we were all together celebrating Grandma's life. And it meant a lot to me.I've now taken out my contacts so my poor eyes can get a rest and I am really feeling some comfortable closure. That's such a good thing.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
funeral chicago trip Day 1
We left for Chicago at 10pm when we picked up Chris from his apartment at UMBC. It took us a minute to find him because he was like a ninja, all camouflaged on the street corner. Erin started off driving, me riding shotgun and Chris and Lauren in back. Nin drove until about 1:50, she did a great job considering the amazingly annoying amount of fog. We laughed a large amount and harassed each other even more. That's fun sibling times in the car. I may have slept for about an hour and a half before 1:50am. Then it was my turn to drive.I drove from 2am until 6am, stopping once to fill up the car with gasoline. I listened to rocking music and thought a lot about things. It was actually a really peaceful time for me. I began driving when we were still in Pennsylvania and shortly after I began, I was driving through a bit of a valley and all of a sudden I saw a real life shooting star dropping across the sky. I made a rather loud exclamation and woke up everyone in the car. But it was really super fun to see, I sorta wanted to put it in my pocket and save it for a rainy day.
I then took a nice rest from 6am to 8am and when I woke up, I could already see Chicago's famous skyline, we took a different way into the city today, thanks to Lee, our Australian GPS boyfriend. I finished my book and watched some Psych that made me laugh so hard that I have watched the same scene twice again since.
We went straight to Target to get some sunglasses for me (yes, this is the SECOND new pair in a week) and grabbed prizes for my kids and a birthday present for my dad. He turns SIXTY today! YAY DAD! Then we went to see my grandpa.
I was doing okay. I really was. But when I walked up the driveway to their apartment home, I crumbled. I had to stop and cry my eyes out on the sidewalk until my sister thought I was hyperventilating because my grandma was not there to greet us like she has always been. She'd sit with my grandpa in the little foyer and hug us as soon as we pulled in. I MISS HER.
We went up in the elevator and the nice man who got in asked me if we were there to visit John, he could tell I'd been crying and he told me he was sorry about our grandma. That's really nice. We listened to my grandpa talk for a while. He said to us, "I don't know what your politics are, but let me talk." Which, of course we did. He's a HUGE Obama fan, and told us all about why he is one, it made me happy. He invited us to the restaurant downstairs for a nice lunch with him.
In the restaurant, all the nice Armenian staff came and pat my grandpa and told him they were sorry (I guess he hasn't eaten in there since it happened). I got to sit next to him and listen to his familiar stories while having some surprisingly good lemonade and peppermint ice cream. The ice cream made me teary because Grandma used to hoard that ice cream in her freezer (she wouldn't eat hers and just take it out with a lid) and then she'd feed it to me when I came to visit. That's how she showed me she loved me.
We went to the hotel where we finally freshened ourselves and Lolo and Nin did a NUMBER on my hair and then Nin wanted to do a photo shoot with "a model who doesn't move!!!" I like these:
Didn't she do great?
Then we went to the wake, my first wake. Since my grandma was cremated, there was no body - just an empty casket with a great picture of her on it.
All my mom's family was there, except my second cousins. I got to see all my cousins which hasn't happened in years, some of them I hardly recognized. We all sat around my grandpa for a while and he actually said, "Well, now that I've got an audience, I want to tell a story!"
And he proceeded to tell this story: my great uncle Art took Auntie Doe to visit Grandma. When they were walking down the hall to leave, one of my Grandma's nurses saw Auntie Doe and said how amazing it was that Dorothy got out of bed so soon! And they had to explain that Dorothy was still in her bed, this was her twin :) It's nice that there is one last twin story to tell.My uncle put together a big slide show of pictures from Grandma's life (we all emailed him stuff) and they had it playing the whole time in one corner of the room. It was really fun to watch it together and remember the good times. My grandma had a WIG, people. A BLACK WIG. And it was named Oscar. And her twin had one too ,that's funny.
Speaking of her twin, oh, it's so sad. She's completely lost. She knows she doesn't know anymore. I sat at the table with her for such a long time and she kept talking to me with my grandma's voice and making my grandma's expressions and saying "I've seen YOU before!" And I'd say, "I'm Corinne Auntie Doe, remember Dorothy your sister? She married Jack? My mom is their daughter Sue." I bet I said it 15 times, holding her hand and trying to reassure her that yes, we're all going to the church tomorrow. No, I'm not from around here. Yes, Martha is my cousin. It is so sad, she has no idea that her sister is gone, but maybe it's a good thing, really.
I also spent a long time talking with the dad of my Uncle Jim, whom I adore. I've never met his dad but he's a trip. We chatted about random things and I asked him where Jim grew up. And his dad said to me, "Jim is a cheese head." HONESTLY? THAT'S FUNNY! Apparently, that's what you call people who grew up in Wisconsin? And speaking of Wisconsin, my mom's brother John's second wife (which just makes her my aunt now, right?) is from Wisconsin and she ROCKS. SO funny and friendly and personable, her name is Lin. I like her so much, I wish I could see her more. She brought some cheese plates all the way from Wisconsin and they really WERE better than regular cheese. That's something. Uncle John is doing the eulogy tomorrow, which Lin says will be awesome if he can "hold it together" :)
After we all ate and talked for 3 1/2 hours, a priest that worked for 9 years with my grandma and her twin when they worked in the cafeteria at Montini Catholic school came in. He did a tribute and a short talk with scriptures. It was actually really peaceful and helpful. He talked about how Grandma and Auntie Doe served a banquet to so many children for so many years (17 years there!), that now it is Grandma's turn for the Lord to serve her at her banquet. I liked that image and I like how he had faith that Grandma is still around. I liked sitting by Lin during that and hearing her recite the prayers along with the Father, and having Lauren cry next to me on the other side. I at least could recite the Lord's Prayer with everyone.At the very end my Uncle John's first wife, Joyce came. I haven't seen this woman in nine years and OH was it nice to hug her. She was one of my favorite people on the planet, and it's strange when there is a divorce and all of a sudden you no longer see someone you really like. My ex-aunt. She was so nice to me during those awkward teenage years, she'd have me over for sleepovers when I was in town and she'd let me help babysit her son (who is now a MAN, it is SO STRANGE). I was the flower girl at their wedding when I was five, so lots of memories and I was so glad she had the guts to come to her ex-mother-in-law's wake.
Since it's my dad's birthday, we went to Portillo's for some chocolate cake shake. Oh, the love. I split an Italian beef with Erin, because how can I be here and NOT have Italian beef? It was delish and now I MUST go to bed.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Good Friday Goodbyes
I've had a post for today in my mind for a while. 10 years ago today (well, not technically TODAY, but on Good Friday) a dear friend of mine died much, much too young. It was one of those phone calls that drop your stomach to the floor and life is never quite the same. I remember that I walked into the bathroom of my in-laws house to have some privacy after my mom told me to find a place to sit down. I wanted so much for it to not be true. I always think of him at Easter time and of that first Easter after his death, just two days raw, and realizing at that moment how much I truly believed that there is more to life than just this time here on earth. And Bailey's time here was finished - for some reason, 26+ years was all he was required to be on this earth, and what a life he crammed into those years. I wanted this post to be about him, his friendship and the place he and his wife had in my family.Instead, this Good Friday post is about my Grandma, who left this earth today.
I got that phone call while at the Weis, shopping with my three children, buying our frozen pizza dinner. I could tell from the sound of my sister's voice that something had ended, and I stared into that freezer case at the chocolate chip "circle waffles" I was going to buy for an Easter breakfast treat, and time stood still for a minute. Grandma, no longer in the world. How do you wrap your brain around that one? As much as I thought I had already mourned, tears have been close to the surface. They truly fell when Mom told me that my aunt Peg could tell today that death was near, and that before she left for the day, she said some of my grandma's favorite prayers for her, and that she sang to her, too. It's such a comforting thought. I remember once being at Grandma's house and, not being Catholic, asking her about the prayers. She pulled out the well worn cards and told me all the prayers she said every day for her children, her grandchildren, for her grandson-in-law who was deployed. My grandma was a faithful Catholic, and I know the power of her prayers made it to God's ears. Grandpa was in the room with her when she left. He was sitting in the chair and saw her take her last breath - a mercifully peaceful way for her to go.
When we were eating our pizza tonight I asked the kids what they remember about Grandma. Sheely remembers how she keeps mints and chocolates in a dish and that she'd let Sheely take some and put them in her purse. Xavey remembers eating a bagel breakfast with them and watching Dragontales on their tv. Not particularly profound, but memories all the same, and pleasant, comfortable ones.
Tonight was supposed to be book club at Erin's but we postponed it so that Erin and I could go up to my parents to just...be together. To laugh and remember and talk about other things, but always coming back to Grandma, the funny things we loved about her, the things about being at her home that made it a wonderful place for a child. I even learned two new things:
*My mother has this memory: my grandmother, ironing on the PORCH, IN A SWIMSUIT, getting a tan. Is that a FANTASTIC image of a 1950s-60 stay at home mom? It thrills me to imagine her that way, and makes her feel alive to me again in a new way
*Mom told me tonight that my grandpa once told my mother that I remind him of my Grandma when she was my age. "Bubbly" is the word he used. To hear it today, to know that there is a little of her in me, still, gives me the strangest, warmest feeling. I know that there are many little parts of her in all of us, because they are in my mother and the way she raised us.
And now my grandpa is alone. Maybe that's even the saddest part, because Grandma was so ready to go. She is certainly in a better place right now and Grandpa is left with the pieces of their life together, trying to start the rest of his life without her. A sad and lonely prospect. I hope he comes out soon to visit and I need to be especially conscientious to call and remind him of how much I love him.
He's in my prayers tonight, and for Grandma, I will say a prayer of thanks that she was allowed to be done - and thanks that I was her grandchild for such a good long time.
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