gratitude

I am at work tonight and I have a patient who is a psychiatrist at a university hospital in the area and had his first heart attack at 34, he has had numerous since.  I have a patient who is in her 80's, speaks no English, and had a GI bleed.  I have a patient in her 60's (looks MUCH younger than that) who has done everything to take care of her health and still had a heart attack.  I was in the room of my psychiatrist patient and offered to change his linens for him to which he responded that "that would be refreshing".  He then proceded to ask me "are you always this happy".  I chuckled a little bit and responded that I liked my job very much and was extremely grateful to be on my side of the bed and not his.  It has me thinking about attitude and how our attitude and our choosing to have gratitude for the situations and experiences we are given changes the way we see our circumstances.

This evening a patient came in from the ED.  She was just diagnosed with a brain tumor.  Her daughter was supposed to have her bridal shower on saturday, she just postponed it.  She was supposed to be in Mexico next week, that trip is cancelled.  And yet, her ATTITUDE was incredible.  I'm sure she had SO many emotions inside but she chose to have the attitude of what now. What do I do to fight this.  And while I'm fighting it I'm going to make you laugh.  And she did. 

Just now a woman in her 60's with 2 children in their 30's, with a husband in the air trying to get to her, passed away despite our best efforts.  Yes she had many medical problems that complicated things but she did not deserve to die.  Those children did not deserve to loose their mother and that husband should have gotten to say goodbye to his sweetheart.  Life isn't fair and I believe Heavenly Father will explain to us in the end why the heck things happen the way they do.  But I found myself doing something different tonight.  Rather than being in the room, in line to do chest compressions and push medications, I was outside in the hallway with the family and chaplain.  Don't get me wrong my adrenaline was going and I was eager to be in that room but something inside of me pulled me into that hallway with that family.  Someone to explain what was going on inside that room, someone to explain why we couldn't just shock her heart and bring her back.  That poor son just kept saying to me "how am I supposed to tell him".  My heart ached and does continue to ache for their loss, we truly did everything we could (and my arms feel it).  The profession I have chosen tugs at my heart and sometimes boils my blood with frustration but it is my calling and to know that, to have that, is SUCH a gift. 

As I think about the lives that I become a part of, even just briefly for 12 hrs, I am forever changed for their courage, their bravery, their attitudes, the lessons they teach me. 

Hug your little one a little tighter tonight, kiss your hubby or wifey a little longer, and be grateful for the lives that you are living and live each one knowing that it truly is a gift.